Accompanying Jesus: Prayers from a Lentent Retreat

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Sharing by Louisa and Anthony

In the retreat which lasted over the entire Lent season and which we had shared at Accompany Jesus: A Lentent Retreat Sharing, we have received and keep receiving many gifts. Among them is the sweet companion with Jesus in the Eucharist.

I guess no one would prepare oneself with the sacrament of the sick before going to the hospital for a normal delivery. Yet when it was found later that Louisa had lost blood clotting function and had already lost about half of the body¡¯s blood, it became most urgent to find a priest to administer this sacrament. I was thankful for the gift of this sacrament which had prepared her with either the grace to enter into the perfect love of God or the grace that we may stay longer.

When I did not know yet where she would go, the time we had in the past was most thankful for. It had been a tremendous gift that Louisa and I had come into each other¡¯s life so that we can accompany each other in our journey to experience the love of God. I thank Jesus for so many daily gifts throughout many years we have journeyed together to share and witness the love of God.

What we have at present could only be a dream at that time. I was told that a patient normally cannot hold more than 24 hours without encountering organ failure. As she continued to bleed while receiving transfusion, Jesus having emptied all His Blood to reveal the love of God has become our strength.

When I take gifts for granted, the worldly desires would then occupy the soul, and an ungrateful heart can never be satisfied. It is through thankfulness that I realize the abundance of gifts. Being so much indebted with gifts, many other things do not matter any more, be it a delicious meal, an argument, or an ego.

I can never thank Jesus enough. I deserve nothing, but God continues to give us more and more. I do not know what else we can offer in return, but to live a meaningful life according to its purpose from God who is love. So if we are gifted with the opportunity to stay together again we pray that we may witness love together. Not only was I desperate for this opportunity, I also needed to pray for Irene that she, being new born at that time, would not lose her mother.

Louisa was subsequently able to pass through numerous medical conditions one at a time. Some conditions may be fatal. Others bear risks of permanent damage. As we need to thank for the gifts we have already received, it is most humbled having to pray for the next gift of healing in each new condition.

Having experienced the generous gift of blood from so many people and the gift of life, the experience with the Eucharist sacrament is never the same any more. Each time the priest consecrates the Eucharist, I am determined to respond to the love of the Body and Blood of Jesus, whose love will then overwhelm my soul so much that I sometimes cannot hold my tears.

At first, I felt embarrassing to cry during the Eucharistic celebration. I thought it might be rare so that I had kept this as a secret with my sweet Jesus. Yet how can one not breakdown as it is impossible for our physical body to hold so much love of Jesus? Now I understand that many people must have cried also. It is then not necessary to keep this secret, in order that we can share with each other the love of Jesus in the Eucharist.

A few weeks later when Louisa was undergoing therapy at home, we visited one specialist who did a blood test for her to check for hepatitis. The specialist had explained that one in about 10 people has hepatitis, which will pass to other people through transfusion. Louisa already had received transfusion from over 110 people in a system for which the screening process is not without fault. Yet we were speechless when the test results turned out all negative.

Prayer can longer be adequately expressed in words, especially each time when my most sweet Jesus humbles His Body and Blood to come to me. If I am ever distracted, I pray that I may hear nothing. It is like whatever happens around me does not matter any more, so that I may not let anything else to be in the way between Jesus and me.

The love of Jesus knows no bound. The only bound is perhaps in our determination and commitment. The more we respond to His intimate love, the more He invites us into the ocean of his love.

The communion with Jesus is just so sweet. I feel so sorry that love of Jesus is often not known by many of his own people. Whatever love I am capable of, I wish I can give to Jesus. My regret is the limitation in my weakness that I am only capable of this much love. My dear Jesus, the little thing my miserable soul can offer is only these drops of tears when your heart is being inflicted with so much ingratitude. The bare 5 minutes after the communion towards the end of the mass is just too short to give Jesus even just this much love. I later started a very small commitment to accompany Jesus at least one hour per month. (Please refer to the sharing of Accompanying Jesus: Even for Busy People.)

My sweet Jesus hidden in the Eucharist, You have chosen to bear our pain. Your heart is so much consumed with the fire of love. It is not imaginable how painful to love the ungrateful souls. Knowing that your sacrifice is still in vain for so many souls who will chose only worldly desires had caused you so much pain in your agony in the Garden. Sharing only a very small bit of your pain is enough for me to cry to death. Yet you continue to bear this pain as you humble yourself in the Eucharist.

My dear Jesus, many friends do not know how to accompany You. You never turn down anyone. When one knocks it will be open. Please grant the grace to accompany you. Allow me to offer my love, if it may help just a tiny bit to comfort your wounded heart.

Dear Jesus, there will be no need to implore my friends to accompany You when You return in glory. At that time, many people will want to accompany You. Yet I pray that we do not wait till that time. I pray that we desire to accompany You now when the world is rejecting You.

Dear friends in prayer, please sign up to spend at least one hour each month to accompany Jesus.

Thank you very much for accompanying Jesus.